Indecision

Rip off the Band-Aid?

Shockingly, it has been 42 years since I passed the bar. Many of my colleagues were not even born then. I have always been a reluctant lawyer, averse to conflict and introverted. I cannot count the number of times I have decided, for sure, I was going to quit and do something else. But always, the something else is elusive.

I am pretty unemployable. As a long term litigator my skills are not transferable to anything I want to do with my time. I determined in June when I saw how badly compensated my occupation is that I would not renew my bar card in September and take retired status. I even began withdrawing from cases. There is a handful I felt I needed to see through to some closure- kids being adopted, kids needing one more educational decision, and kids aging out of the court system. So I trudge along.

After two months of banging my head against the same old wall of “what now?” I am wavering. Do I rip off the Band-Aid, take retirement status and figure it out after? Or do I renew one more time and keep doing something I am find fatiguing and hopeless. Whether fortunately or not, I have until mid October to make a decision. Either choice feels a bit like defeat.

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